I wrote this just after Mother’s Day. And then I didn’t post it. I hit a slump. I got in my head about whether it mattered, whether anything I was writing was “enough,” or said anything new. But when I reread it today, I felt something soft come back. So I’m sharing it now.
I don’t even know how to start this except to say:
For the first time in years, my brain was quiet today.
Like… actually still.
No background tabs running. No low-level “you forgot something” panic.
Just quiet.
I don’t know if anyone else knows how rare that is.
But if you’re a mom, or if you’ve ever been stuck in the cycle of cleaning this room, only to have the next one destroyed, then you go clean that room, only to find the first one’s a mess again, you'll understand.
You get it.
I’ve always lived by the to-do list.
My life ran on lists and deadlines.
I used to save my old planners like trophies.
Look how much I’ve done.
Look how much I’ve kept track of.
Look how hard I worked to hold it all together.
And for a while, that way of living worked.
But old systems don’t- and shouldn’t- last forever
Marriage → House→ Baby→Dog.
(We knew we were crazy getting a dog with a one-year-old)
The wheels came off.
I’d clean one room while they destroyed the next.
Chase the mess all day → Crash at bedtime (either into rage cleaning or total defeat).
I knew something had to change. I just didn’t know what.
The Monday After Mother’s Day
I hadn’t done my usual Sunday reset.
I was already dreading what the house would look like.
Normally, I would’ve launched into a full-out, snapping-at-everyone frenzy trying to “get it all done.”
(If you want the full messy Mother’s Day breakdown, I wrote about that here.)
But for some reason, I didn’t do that.
Instead, I told myself, 'Just start with one corner.'
So I started with the shoes.
Then the junk drawer.
Then the counter, one section at a time.
Each pause came with water. A breath. A three-minute affirmation on loop.
I felt the old tidal wave washing in: “You have to finish everything, right now, all of it”. I made a conscious effort to pause, and then I felt it pass.
The Accidental Rhythm
Later, I realized what had happened.
I had set a timer.
I gave myself permission not to finish.
I said, let’s just see what happens.
And it worked.
Later that day, I tried it again, with the garage.
No list or goal. No pressure.
Just fifteen minutes. Walk away when the timer ended.
The garage wasn’t perfect. But it was better.
And my brain stayed quiet.
There was still energy left. I didn’t crash.
For the first time in… I don’t even know how long…I didn’t spiral after a productive day!
I just lived it and I’m so proud!
The Moment It Landed
Later, my toddler asked to go outside.
And I wasn’t tired or cranky. So I said yes.
We walked to the swings.
We started singing Look Up by Joy Oladokun, and the sky was the kind of blue that makes you stop, and well, look up.
That trend on TikTok and other platforms of “I forgot this is what it’s all about?” I got it now. The Quiet Shift
There wasn’t a method, not really.
No system or list.
Just something that finally made sense.
I paused and interrupted my old patterns.
Anticipate. Anchor. Adapt.
That’s the rhythm that carried me.
From Subtraction to Addition
I used to live by subtraction.
Cross it off. Cross it off. Cross it off.
Hope that once the list was empty, I'd feel better. I’d avoid any difficult feelings or thoughts. And yet (unsurprisingly) the relief never came.
Now I live by addition.
Add a breath.
Add a glass of water.
Let the small victories carry you through!
You learned a MindShift! Yay!