The Mental Game: Anxiety, Performance, and Self-Reinforcement
The Freeze Response: Anxiety, Overthinking, and the Mental Game
Anxiety in sports often shows up as a freeze response. A deer in headlights. You see it when the opposing team serves the ball, and it’s coming straight between you and a teammate. Your body tenses. Maybe you flinch, maybe you make a move, or maybe, worse, you don’t. And the ball drops between you both.
That moment is the ultimate failure in volleyball—not because of a bad play, but because no play happened at all.
And the thing is, this isn’t just a sports metaphor. It’s life.
When we’re at a crossroads-deciding whether to go back to school, whether to take a new job, whether to turn left or right, or even something as small as deciding what to eat for dinner, not deciding is often worse than making the “wrong” decision. Because when we don’t act, we remove all possibility of learning, adjusting, or moving forward.
The Difference Between Overthinking and Trusting Yourself
In the moments when I’ve been able to act without overthinking, I’ve noticed something interesting: a deep calm. It’s almost a byproduct of the decision itself—a sense of peace, strength, and knowing.
Maybe this is where the term gut feeling comes from.
When you’re overthinking, you can feel it physically. If you stop and ask yourself, Where is this thought?, you can locate it swirling in your head, spinning your wheels in the mud. But when you’re trusting yourself, when you act without second-guessing, it feels like four-wheel drive. The action is smooth, decisive, effortless.
So the question is: what environmental conditions support self-trust?
Cultivating the Right Environment for Action
In behavioral science, we talk about behavior chains- sequences of behaviors that are shaped by our environment and past reinforcement. If hesitation and self-doubt are reinforced in our daily lives, then freezing up becomes our default response. But if we create an environment that reinforces self-trust, confidence becomes the default instead.
I don’t want to get too metaphorical here, but overthinking is like a garden overrun with weeds. You have to pick through the thoughts, figuring out what’s real and what’s just fear. Because fear disguises itself as truth. It tells you to hesitate. It makes you think you need more time, more certainty, more reassurance. But when you strip that away-when you remove the weeds-you create space for the real things to grow.
So how do we build that garden?
What are the internal behavior chains we need to reinforce so that acting on self-trust becomes the natural response? How do we foster an environment where we move instead of freeze, where our first instinct is action rather than hesitation?
I don’t know the full answer yet. But I know it starts with recognizing the weeds for what they are.
The Mental Game Training Plan: Learning to Reinforce Ourselves
If we want to build a strong mental game, we have to shift from relying on external factors to cultivating our own self-reinforcement.
One of the biggest reasons we get stuck, whether in sports, work, or life, is that we don’t give ourselves enough positive feedback. Think about it: as adults, external positive reinforcement is rare. In daily life, people are quick to give negative feedback. They’ll leave a bad review, complain to the manager, and honk their horn in traffic. But how often do we receive unsolicited, genuine praise?
This is why so many people try to encourage positivity: "say something nice to someone today," "compliment a stranger," "be a good neighbor." But even beyond how our communities have become more disconnected (which is a whole other topic), there’s an even bigger issue: we don’t know how to positively reinforce ourselves.
Non-Contingent Reinforcement: Giving Yourself Positive Feedback Without Conditions
If we want to build confidence, trust ourselves, and stop overthinking, we need to give ourselves more opportunities for positive feedback. But not just feedback that’s dependent on external success: feedback that happens no matter what. This is where non-contingent reinforcement comes in.
I once heard that Michael Phelps used doorways as a mental cue. Every time he walked through a doorway, he reminded himself of something positive-something he did well or something encouraging. This is someone who has publicly struggled with depression, yet he used a simple, everyday habit to reinforce himself.
What if we all did this?
What if, instead of waiting for someone else to validate us, we built reminders into our day to do it ourselves?
Every time you get in your car, remind yourself of one thing you did well today.
Set a lock-screen reminder on your phone with an affirmation or a compliment to yourself.
Use a specific action (walking under a doorway, washing your hands, taking a sip of water) as a cue to say something positive, no matter what’s going on.
End your day by naming three things you did just one percent better today.
This practice isn’t just about feeling good. It’s about rewiring the way we think. We are so quick to analyze what went wrong, to focus on what we could improve, to chase progress and perfection so relentlessly that we forget where we are.
Playing the Same Game, But Differently
I’m playing volleyball better now than I ever did in college. Not because my skills have drastically changed, but because my mindset has changed.
I trust that I know what I’m doing, that I have the fundamentals, and that the same skills apply no matter where I am.
It’s the same game.
No matter where you’re playing. No matter what court you’re on. No matter what setting or context you’re in.
What’s changed is this: I don’t wait for certainty anymore. I move with what I know.
Because self-trust isn’t a leap.
It’s a practiced move.
