The Heart Attack Moms Ignore: Why We Push Through Until We Break

Why mothers survive on scraps: ignoring symptoms, delaying care, and calling it resilience.

Photo by Online Marketing on Unsplash

Last week, I wrote about the Let Them Theory, a way to press pause and step out of autopilot. But the American Heart Association shows us what really happens when moms try to “pause.”

In their short film Just a Little Heart Attack, Elizabeth Banks plays a mom having chest pain, and instead of resting or getting help, she packs lunches, wipes counters, and apologizes for being “dramatic.” She finally collapses into a chair, clutching her chest, and says:

“I’m just gonna sit down for a minute… but then I’ll get up and go to the doctor. After I finish everything else.”

Elizabeth Banks in “Just a Little Heart Attack” (American Heart Association, 2011).

And then she tells the 911 operator to send the paramedics later because the house is messy.

We may laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, but the horror is in its truth.

We make toast. We pack the lunches. We hold the entire ecosystem together with chest pain and a cheerful shrug. Don’t even get me started, we have been trained since our teenage years and were told that our menstrual cramps can be cured by taking two Advil and a walk around the block. Stuff that pain down, and keep it moving.

We delay our care because we have learned to prioritize others. We have learned that minimizing the distress of others helps us survive.

That internal critic has a history DECADES long. That critic has learned that praise was safety. Disapproval meant the opposite

From classrooms to workplaces to family dinner tables, we learned that being “easy” earned us approval. That lesson has burrowed so deeply that many of us don’t even realize it’s running the show.

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Living in Subtraction Instead of Joy

With this pattern, we see that we are living in the veins of subtraction. Again, we are not adding to our lives. We are looking to AVOID discomfort. And we are killing our mental health to do so.

The Data¹:

• Nearly 4 in 10 mothers report extreme concern about their kids struggling with anxiety or depression (Pew Research Center, 2023).

• Mothers consistently report higher levels of vigilance in nearly every danger category surveyed, from bullying to abduction to drug use.

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Mothers as Family Sentinels

Statistically, mothers are the ones carrying the role of the family sentinel. When systems fail, moms step in because we love our family, and that’s what needs to get done.

We don’t get rewarded. We just don’t get punished.

The cruel part? We don’t feel seen or supported. At best, we avoid criticism from others or from the critic in our own heads. We’re living off scraps, avoiding the discomfort of full meals, and calling that life.

No wonder we’re starving.

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Rewriting the Script for Moms

This is the script we inherited, but it’s not the one we have to keep living with. Stay tuned, I have some ideas.

This essay is part of a larger article on women and motherhood and the systems (in the house, society, and policy) that keep women surviving, not thriving.

💌 If this resonates, share this piece with another mom who needs the reminder that her health matters too. And if you’re new here, you can catch up with Chaos Goblins and The Let Them Theory for more context.

👉 What do you notice in yourself: the dishes you’d finish before calling 911, the signals you ignore until it’s too late?

↓ Check out my previous post, The Chaos Goblins, about how we can deal with our internal critic

1. Pew Research Center, How Today’s Parents Say Their Approach to Parenting Does or Doesn’t Match Their Upbringing (2023). Read the study here.